Fake News

Depression is a liar, and time feels like a thief. 

And if you’re in the throes of it, I really wish I could say something to make you believe otherwise. I know because I’ve been there many times myself. I’ve barely written these last few weeks because a)I feel devoid of insight or wisdom to share, and b) my lies are telling me there are too many real talented writers etc. out there, so who would care what I have to say? 

I’m not sure what prompted me to peek at the Color Note app on my phone in the middle of this particular moment, staring at my keyboard trying to force something out of me. I keep many lists and thoughts and contemplations in there, and would use it to keep note of bullet points I wanted to remember for briefs I was giving to Marines.  

And I found this.  

I remember this exact moment from a long time ago. I was finishing up a walk, getting closer to home. Just on the sidewalk, not some sunshiny, naturely place that usually evokes these kinds of feelings.  

“Two and a half months ago I stood on the beach convinced and claiming I had nothing in me to ever be a counselor again. That I was devoid of care, concern, passion, empathy and sympathy, for every person. That all I could do was feel the resentment and the bitterness and the anger towards people. 

It was at that same moment on the beach when the idea of trying at least to help the people that I knew and loved, my soldiers and my christians, the substance users and the suicidal, that I thought I could dare to try again. 

I just held my second full therapy session in over a year. I just am so grateful that God has shown me, no, He restored in me the original version of me that had so much to give, and so much love and care and concern for others. He peeled away years of grief and the bitterness and made me stand up as a Human, feeling, Being again.  

And while I am not just fully ready yet, I have to absolutely acknowledge that God did this for me and I am grateful.  You did that for me”

So for today, I will lean on a day when gratitude invaded the lies and the doubts and aspersions of self.

I will lean on it as a monument to the real truth.

I will humbly share this with you today as proof that IT WILL GET BETTER, and encourage you to find your own monument to a time when love shut down the lies and took you by wonderful surprise.

Smiles,

Elisha