Sentimentality

sentimentality: the quality of being strongly influenced by happy memories of past events or relationships with other people, rather than by careful thought and judgment based on facts 

How many times in my life did sentimentality disguise itself as profundity? 

Lately I’ve been reflecting on this, noticing a heightened sensitivity to my emotions that’s encouraging me to respond to my ideas more intentionally.

There’s a history here.

I recall this most vividly happening during church services, likely prompted by worship music.  I’d make proclamations of an insight that I was called to do something, weep over being given this word, and believed with all my heart there was depth there.  

I always followed through on those things but they lacked sustainability. Because emotion was the driving force, and a pretty powerful one, I bypassed the part where further examination, planning, and preparation were needed. One day during service, I became tearful and choked up and convinced I needed to run a divorce support group for the church members.  Honorable and within my wheelhouse for sure, but the only next step I made was asking the Pastor for his approval and to use space in the church. I had one or two women attend, but never enough to continue running the group. Being swept up in my emotion was not enough to sustain the group membership.  

Lately I’ve learned to be cautious when I get excited about an idea, especially when it comes on the heels of listening to music. I love the passion and dopamine hit that comes with the imagined outcome of said idea, but I’ve learned to question if it’s something more than just sentimentality.  

Last week I had this great idea for one of my upcoming presentations, to text the men and women whose numbers I still have from my time working with the USMC, to ask them for input on being a service member. In theory, a lovely idea, and one that could benefit the learners in the audience, but in reality, if I appear after three years of zero communication and context, it feels a little different.  

sentimentality - The quality of being strongly influenced by happy memories of past events or relationships with other people, rather than by careful thought and judgment based on facts:   

So I used careful thought-  

I have no idea where they are and what they are doing so will this be too random or invasive?  

Will they have the same recall and regard as I, and be enthused I reached out after all this time? 

Is it appropriate for me to reach out given the context of our past relationships (not clinical), just because I want their input? 

This feels like a lovely idea, combined with lovely memories, but will the execution of said outreach leave me feeling good or yucky in the face of all these unknowns, especially if I don’t hear back? 

Am I just feeling sentimental? 

So I used judgement- 

This feels too close to those church moments, so I will not pursue it. Not today anyway. Let’s sit on this one and see if it still feels like a good idea in a week from now. 

And there was relief in that. I want to show up in the world making thoughtful and deliberate decisions that will stand the test of time. I want to be patient, gather all the right information, and be sure this is the right decision for me and/or others.  

I wish I had this discernment throughout my life. Being swept up in emotion is not the same as mature decision making. We see this all the time in relationships. We get fired up by hormones and first impressions, and our desire to have our relationship dreams fulfilled which often overrides good sense.  

I’m thinking about the type of relationship where love is more than an emotion, it’s an action. A thoughtful, deliberate, decision to ACT in love, versus feeling love, and the commitment to carry on, even on the days when it’s the last thing you feel desirous of or able to do, but you do it anyway.  

Call it emotional intelligence or emotional maturity, but the capacity to understand and manage emotions, respond with intention rather than reactivity, and consider others in the equation, help us avoid sentimentality in our decision making process, and to greater satisfaction and sustainability in relationships. This maturity might not come naturally, or overnight, but it can be cultivated. 

So I’m getting my sentimentality in different packages these days. Now it looks more like pausing at a photo of a happy time instead of just a passing glance, and leaning into the feeling that comes with recalling that moment. I will call up the day's events as I fall asleep and be sentimental about what went right, and let the depth of gratitude lull me to sleep. I’ll purposely play a song by that makes me feel all the feels and in that moment I am connected to all that is good (try Where I Belong by Switchfoot ;)

Switchfoot Where I Belong

These are the things I want to strongly influence me, not a fleeting moment of emotion that might leave as quickly as it came.

Big smiles,

Elisha