Solace

Weeks ago I heard the work solace in my head. No context, no direction, just the word.

So as I do when prompted by my spirit, I wrote the word in my notes app and left it there for further examination.

When I say the last 48 hours has been frought with blessings and mysteries, not just unexpected, but unimagined, it would be an understatement, and I still am without proper words to articulate any of it.

I guess this brings me back to solace. Solace is a lovely word for comfort, consolation, relief from sorrow or sadness. In an unusual way, these blessings made me reflect on the last 6 months of my life.

I got to walk through the woods as snow showered softly over my body

I got to cry in the rain with tears of grief comingling with the raindrops

I got to jump for joy on the beach while I was searching for sea glass

I got to write poems made of short sentences when I struggled to find the words to write

I got to hear so many new songs, songs that stopped me in my tracks, and made me dance/dance walk, or cry in reverence, when I was just listening to my usual fare

I got to stand in a moment of blaring sun, with a halo cast over it like a rainbow

No barriers

No walls

Zero hate

Zero bitterness

I got to live in my human skin again, my humanity restored and returned to me. The one where tenderness, gentleness, and compassion got left behind so very long ago.

I got to experience the enormity of what it means to be fully human while I was only doing ordinary things.

This, was my solace, gifted to me without expectation of anything in return, by my Higher Power.

So I try and repay the favor, pay it forward, in my limited ability not only to comprehend these blessings, but ability to put them into words.

Sometimes solace comes in the most unexpected ways, but I'd like to think I was open to receive.

Please don't be afraid to feel. It can be overwhelming and very scary, but the freedom that comes after the grief is worth every tear or emotion screamed out to the universe.

No need for gesticulation, drama, the right self-help book, or even prayer.

Just a willingness to let go of... (you fill in the blanks), and to stay focused on the present moment, where so many gifts are waiting for you.

inhale/exhale

Today I feel truly unrecognizable in the most humble and beautiful way. This, I promise, is waiting for you too.