Complicated Grief

Hi.

Today is the last of our series on grief. I honor your journey as you experience these posts, knowing how much courage it takes to pause, reflect, and acknowledge the ways loss has touched your life.

The grief we'll talk about today is complicated grief, also known as prolonged grief. I hate to add disorder after ‘prolonged grief’ because isn't the very nature of loss eternal? No matter how long ago I experienced my own losses, I still grieve them today, even if only when they come to mind. I will never not tear up when I think about my Dad. I just can't help it. Even though he had been gone for ten years before I moved to San Diego, once the other deaths that followed that year happened, I had to tell my boss, "No, I can't run groups on grief". I just couldn't think about anything related without slightly hyperventilating. This was a time of mourning that had such momentum, I struggled to moderate it even just a tiny bit.

"Grief changes shape, but it never ends."

Keanu Reeves

A story-

Grief became her life, but it no longer resembled her own. She had such an intense longing for him, yet was still in disbelief he was gone.

He was on her mind all.the.time.

She had no idea who she was without him because her idea of who she was, died with him.

Some days the pain was so intense, it came out sideways.

And some days she was so exhausted, she just felt numb.

She felt so lonely without him, she no longer found purpose, or meaning, in anything, including her friends and family.

He had been gone for over a year, but it still hurt like he had died yesterday.

“There is no grief like the grief that does not speak.”

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Sometimes grief gets stuck.

Sometimes grief is mislabeled as something else.

Without speaking the words, giving them life, in the safe space of another, the chasm between grief and healing is too vast to traverse.

We need to watch out for our loved one's after a loss. They need people to stay connected to them throughout their grief journey; death is not a one and done moment in time.

We need to keep careful watch of it coming out sideways, and gently let them know we are there to help when it does.

“We bereaved are not alone. We belong to the largest company in all the world--the company of those who have known suffering.”

Helen Keller

My friend- the story describes the symptoms of prolonged grief disorder. If it feels like you, please reach out to someone. It is the step, not the final destination, but the one that will lead you there.

Thank you all for taking this grief journey with me as I tried to understand more about how my own losses have impacted my life. I’m grateful for the opportunity to share what I’ve learned.

There is healing, I promise :)

Smiles,

Elisha