Not Rejected

I’m currently in a life season where I potentially face a lot of rejection. If a client chooses another therapist, or consultant, or my pitches get turned down, and my emails ignored, I’m left feeling rejected.

When I feel rejected, I can’t help but feel the ghost of rejection past creeping in and joining in on the negative banter already inside my head. Then I become certain that the other therapist is better than me, or what I have to offer is not enough, and my gray hair somehow gets thrown under the bus for being complicit in why no one wants me.

I was fine yesterday while waiting to hear back from someone about a future partnership, when out of nowhere my brain just screamed WHAT IF THEY REJECT YOU (all cap’s and bolded for emphasis on how loud and invasive that scream was). Then the panic set in, the floodgates of past rejected feelings were opened, and I felt awful. Stunned, I sat there for quite a while in my anxiety and self-doubt.

But then my brain dropped this analogy on me, ‘No, if they don’t pick you, that doesn’t mean you’ve been rejected, just not selected, like the cookies you baked, still on the plate, that you haven’t eaten. Do you hate those cookies? Are those cookies stupid or ugly or not good enough? Is no one ever going to eat those cookies because they gained a few pounds? Are those cookies hurt because you haven’t eaten them? Nooooo. Some are not as thick as you like them, some have more chocolate chips than you prefer, some are too brown at the bottom. Elisha, you are just like those cookies, but more importantly, the people who choose a different direction than you, are the same as you and these cookies. Preference. They choose what’s best for them at that time, and it is not personal.

And I knew this to be true. One of the most influential books on my life is The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz. He posits we don’t take anything personally because nothing others say or do is about us, it’s about them. I am not being rejected, it’s what I am offering that isn’t being selected, and while that belief doesn’t completely eradicate my feelings of sadness over the loss, it doesn’t make me beat myself up or question my worth.

Some might call this CBT in action, reframing a core belief, or Radical Acceptance as fully accepting the outcome without judgement, maybe it’s just the mercy of God letting me off the hook of self-recrimination.

I call it courage. I know there will be days a ‘not you’ will hit me harder than others, but I won’t stop trying. I’m not built for giving up, especially when it feels like I’m giving up out of fear. I make myself vulnerable because I believe in what I am doing, and because it is worth it. Some of these posts make me realize I leave myself open to criticism. I literally just compared myself to a cookie.

If ONE person reads this though, and feels inspired, comforted, or encouraged, then the vulnerability I face in being open to the world, is absolutely worth being left on the plate.

Big smiles,

Elisha