Only tiny rainboots required

These last few weeks have kicked my butt.

Sometimes you reach the brink incrementally. Not one giant push beyond your capacity for understanding and management, but more like death by 1000 cuts.

Not every stress is a bad one, but becomes a stressor when there's no rest in between.

My ability to process these things does not come instantaneously- this I know about myself.

So I land in a place not so much dorsal, dead, but likely still activated, searching but not finding my way back up to a desired homeostasis.

Yet still I show up.

And I am grateful for my ability to still be grateful.

I take inventory of the small things, like the 20 propagations on my window sill from just one Monstera plant, to the M&M jar I can count on without fail, that my kids will find their way into.

On a cloudy day, I feel less guilty about staying inside.

On a sunny day, I dream about the summer and bathing my feet in the ocean floor.

I say my prayers and I sit in silence, trusting that soon the slingshot activity in my head will cease and I will find some answers, direction, resolution.

In my recently renewed mind and heart, there's still this gap, chasm, delta between the old and the new that is unchartered. My new map is still on back order, and so this I understand and wait patiently and lovingly with myself and hope the tears will follow, so I can sigh a sigh of relief that this latest storm has become just a tiny one, only requiring a cute pair of rain boots.