What does it mean to truly help someone in therapy?
What does it mean to truly help someone in therapy?
There are many opinions, choices, clinical schools of thought, on the best therapeutic interventions, and client preferences have become reduced to acronyms and ‘unicorns’- Seeking CBT, DBT, and EMDR trained LPC or LMFT, who specializes OCD and ADHD and ERP, who is fill in the blank affirming, identifies as fill in the blank, must be directive or warm or tough or soft or…………….
I was taught person centered.
I was taught unconditional positive regard.
I was taught therapeutic alliance.
I was taught rapport, then trust, then the intervention.
Not the intervention first.
In my own life, what truly helped me was being seen-
But what does this really mean? The specific, detailed, nuanced and unique ways God has created me, being recognized and acknowledged.
Being heard- What does this really mean?
My words are not filtered through your interpretation, your history, your agenda, your discomfort, your judgments, your time constraints. My words are taken at face value and neither contorted nor dismissed. They too, are recognized and acknowledged. Then held. Held in space and time. No movement. Stillness. Eye contact. Wide berth for what I might say next.
This synergy- two parts combined producing greater results than the sum of their individual efforts, me with you, is where recognition, acknowledgment, and stillness, make room for new beginnings.
Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
Galatians 6:2
This I can do.
This I can't do- when I am so filtered out by labels and exacting measurements, they remove the humanity from the counseling room and create the wrong set of expectations.
Does it help that I've had the same lived experience? Maybe.
Does it help that have an extensive bag of tricks up my sleeve to fix you? Again, maybe.
Does it help If I'm so focused on those things that I might miss the most important part of this entire process? It does not.
I keep bringing myself back to what is most important:
I help by letting you be you, and me being me.
No filters.
Nothing performative.
No people pleasing.
Nothing but uncensored, unconditional regard.
This, is the relationship.
This, is where the healing begins.