Where hope meets the moment

What do you do on days when you can’t seem to find any good reason to move? When staying perfectly still seems like your one and only best option?

What do you do when your mission is to encourage and inspire people, yet you feel nothing even close to encouraged or inspired yourself?

Welcome to my inner dialogue from this morning. It’s not always big smiles in there.

The truth is, and one I have kept out of the public until recently, is that I struggle with depression. My friends and family know this but I have never opened up professionally about it to colleagues, bosses or clients. In therapy, there is a golden rule to counselor self-disclosure; it has to benefit the client. Therapists are accountable for everything they say and document, so unless they can explain how this disclosure benefits the client, they probably shouldn’t do it. I never felt it would benefit my clients to know that I struggle with depression. They need to feel confident and safe with me, which is communicated in other ways besides telling my story. And I know, they know, I truly ‘get it’.

I share this here because here I am not bound to anyone except the reader, my reader. You, the person who is seeking to understand yourself, the world, and how you fit in. You, the person who is seeking to refute the lies your depression tells you, like you are irreparably broken, sick, tainted, unwanted, unfit for this world, ugly, not necessary, of no value. Did I miss anything? We all have our special version of these lies. One that liked to taunt me is that bad things always and only happened to me. The liar of my depression used the truth, yes, bad things happened to me, but twisted it enough to turn it back on me, and I drew into myself, feeling exactly what the liar wanted-alone.

I can write a lot about my depression journey, and I thank you for giving me the space to do so. There is a lot to unpack, and when I have the right words that I believe will help another, I will share them.

For today, I will answer the question I posed at the beginning of this post-What do you do when your mission is to encourage and inspire people, yet you feel nothing even close to that yourself?

You just put on foot in front of another.

I have lived through this experience a million times. One step leads to another, and then another, and it doesn’t matter whether my emotional state is up for the steps, my body will respond. Today I put on my coat and one foot in front of the other, breathed in the fresh air, and said Hi to my best friend, the sun. And now I am here thinking about you and writing to you. I feel more inspired because I found a song that spoke to me, and it was that divine juncture where hope meets the moment, when my day began again.

I first heard the expression ‘Move a muscle, change a thought’, at an AA meeting a long time ago. It’s simple but brilliant and true. A little forward motion creates momentum, and the possibility that it can change my thoughts, and maybe then my mood, is too huge to pass up.

Please put one foot on the floor, and follow with a few steps. You do not have to WANT to do it, you do not have to FEEL like it, you just have to give it a chance. ( And that song-you can find it on my IG page)

Smiles in a wide range of sizes,

Elisha